A good many years ago, as I was working up a plan for both a business and personal transition, I worked closely with Julian Russel, a well respected consultant and life coach. Julian introduced me to the work of David Whyte, a poet, thinker and public speaker – specifically “The 3 Marriages” . The marriages themselves referred to love (relationships) , work and self and the notion proferred was that these dimensions pretty much encapsulated our lives.

The more I thought about this the more interesting this idea became – not in a theoretical sense, but more practically, using the model to direct my future life plan. I tried to fit my short term aspirations and activities with this model but it just did not quite gel. Promising – granted, but just not there. Then I realized there had to be a fourth dimension - “ the world”. Now it made sense!

Since then,I have adopted and further refined this notion to the point that it pretty much drives the way I live my life. Its application has helped me deal with some big issues, make better decisions , focus on what is important and help to keep things balanced and in perspective. Life is a bit more controlled as the framework helps me to better allocate my most valuable asset – time – the only thing you can never get back.

The four dimensions I work in, and their relevance to me are “work”;” family, friends and community(ffc)”; “self “; and “the world”.

“Work” – at its most basic, a way to be financially self reliant. However, its value can go way beyond money, providing many more opportunities to enrich yours and others lives.

”Family,friends & community” (FFC) – a shared journey through life where real meaning can be found, life long memories generated, legacies established. Also a place where life’s greatest challenges may be encountered.

”Self” – maintenance, recuperation & growth. Reflection. The only place where absolute honesty resides – difficult to lie to yourself.

”World” – awareness provides context , creates perspective. Understanding helps better decision making.

Looking at life through this lens has a number of positives. It facilitates conscious analysis of allocation of personal resources – prevents drifting into, and residing in, areas that do not support your life’s purpose. It helps to ensure that you do not over promise your time and subsequently disappoint – safeguarding your reputation. It can assist in finding a pathway to achieve long term strategic objectives whilst ensuring that the absolute need to respond to immediate important issues can be accommodated.

Work – life balance ceases to be a conflict, work is part of life, life is enriched by work. By recognizing that life has many facets, the trade-offs between these and work result in softer interfaces – refreshing self, understanding the world – have benefits for the workplace. You bring your personal values to work, others benefit from that, just as you benefit from experiencing their values. Work allows you to develop skills that also make general living easier and more fulfilling. Referencing all the dimensions of life allows the process of prioritization to be more effective – bringing the understanding that your daughters hockey match may be more important than a work telecon, whilst also recognizing that a key business project in crisis needs your full and immediate attention. A quid pro quo can be easily established.

There is no fixed model on how much time you spend on each facet of living. The model is dynamic and flexible – and can evolve as new experiences shape your life’s philosophy.It can help you through times of crisis and chaos, bring an element of control to your life and provide a platform for development and growth. It helps identify what can be delayed, be forgiven, without derailing your personal direction. 

However, the most appealing aspect of the model is that it is unique – unique to you. It is personal, it is yours. As you evolve, so can the framework. You look at your life differently today compared to a decade ago; expect that in a decade’s time your circumstances will be different, so will your view of living.

The purpose of this reflection? Well,I appreciate Nirvana will not exist in my world. However, I want the lows in life to be shallow and infrequent; the highs to be their corollary . Regrets – a few, but too few to mention . A satisfying life that creates lots of happy memories, with much to look forward to, whilst enjoying living in the moment.