I think I am just like the vast majority of people on the planet in that I prefer to live my life in the comfort zone where the pressures of modern day life are balanced by my ability to cope. I am ok with the odd period of stress (stretch) and really enjoy those occasions of total calm.It has not always been so – throughout my life I have endured prolonged periods of immense stress – unpleasant memories which are rarely visited. However, the upside of this is that I have learned valuable coping skills and realized that resilience is not a genetic thing (although personality traits are a factor) but it can be learned.

As every decade passes, the very act of living becomes more difficult. The pressures on personal resources and choices- time, money, relationships, careers – is intensifying. “Society” appears to be raising the expectations of what life should encompass and the timescales to achieve “success” (some ill-defined notion) reducing with each generation. The pace of change- technology, social norms, financial hurdles, moral standards- is accelerating, often outstripping individuals’ ability to develop the tools to live in this modern world.Support systems- education, social infrastructure, health services, family and community – are also under pressure, if not being undermined and eroded.

The consequences of this is that lots of people are struggling to enjoy a normal life.Things which were once deemed to be taken for granted- a solid job, career, own home, financial stability, a sense of purpose – are starting to seem somewhat elusive. The subject of mental health, not so long ago a rare topic of discussion is now regular front page headlines. It touches all generations from the impacts of schoolchildren being cyber bullied through to senior citizens not being able to afford to leave work and enjoy retirement.

If you work on the assumption that the more in control your life is, the greater the chance that you will be happy, then the objective should be to achieve homeostasis- basically despite all that is going on around you, good, bad or indifferent you manage to achieve an equilibrium- balance. Applying scientific principles to the human emotional state then it is possible to move towards equilibrium. Newton’s 3rd law of motion states that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, hence if some action is resulting in a negative effect on your life then there has to be a counteraction to mitigate this impact. Stressors result in negative impacts and resilience forces help counter them- hopefully achieving balance.

Stressors come in three categories – those that are self induced; those that are a result of external forces; those that occur when things just go wrong. So taking money as an example, financial duress can arise because of self induced profligate spending resulting in unmanageable debt; an external force could be a big hike in interest rates which increases mortgage payments resulting in financial hardship; things going wrong could be the engine of a car blowing up with a subsequent large unforeseen outlay. 3 different scenarios -same impact. Resilience forces that could be applied to this situation are twofold. The first set are proactive that anticipate some unknown event, the second are reactive aimed at the issue in hand. Both have value.

The common stressors that are apparent in today’s world include money, time pressures, job/careeers, life expectations, relationships , health….. All these are swilling around in a world where there is geopolitical instability, international conflicts, national division and polarization and where personal aggression is becoming accepted as the norm. Difficult and uncertain times.

A note of caution. I am not a medic or a therapist. I am not a miracle worker who can solve world hunger. I am neither perfect nor a perfectionist. What I am is an observer of life, a bit of a thinker, someone who has experience and tried to learn on this journey through life. I am a lay person but have a voice and offer up thoughts in the hope that they strike a chord and may provide some benefit to readers of TheCornerEnd. TheCornerEnd is not a substitute for those who need specialist help with deeply difficult situations..

We are all unique and respond differently to everyday situations hence approaches to these are likely to be very personalized. Control of our lives starts with each of us – but there are some general principles that apply to us all.