As youngsters, we are fascinated to learn about the life cycles of frogs and butterflies – especially if it involves watching tadpoles grow legs or a butterfly emerge from a chrysalis. Just as much fun is sharing this experience with your children or grandchildren.
Perhaps not quite as exciting but potentially more valuable is some thought around the human life cycle. Assuming our four score years, we transition from a helpless dependent baby through to ( possibly) a helpless dependent senior! The stages we go through can be characterized in many different ways- but for illustration could be
Awareness and trust
Growing, playing and learning
Skill development and accomplishment
Maturing and seeking independence
Partnering and building a life together
Procreation (generation 1)
Growing, learning, influencing and teaching
Supporting and advising
Peaking
Retiring
Preparing for slowing down
Slowing down – but still supporting ( generations 1 and 2)
Requiring support
Dependency
Becoming a memory
The purpose of this “ tongue in cheek” viewpoint is to acknowledge that our lives are not static. We transition gradually through these stages, hitting milestone birthdays and anniversaries, often reflecting on “where has the time gone”.
At the different stages we need to learn and deploy different skills. Managing a bunch of unionized technicians in a regulated work environment requires a different approach to helping your children find their true vocation. The level of engagement necessary varies depending upon accountability and responsibility or how important the subject is. I am less interested in whether my grandchildren eat broccoli than say how capable they are at mental arithmetic- but in either case it is not my responsibility!
Hopefully, no matter what stage we are in our lives we can be happy, healthy, satisfied and feel valued. Be interesting and interested. As such it is worth thinking about our own personal life cycle and what skills we need to refine and deploy. This is just another aspect of life long learning.
Community used to be a simple concept. The place you live, the people around you, who collectively defined the character and ambience of your neighborhood and what living there felt like. I grew up in a tight knit coal mining community where there were few strangers – people were happy to talk openly to each other whether they knew them or not. There were a loose set of common values and no one would dream of “passing by on the other side “ if someone was in need. By no means was this a perfect place, but it was a nice place to spend my early years.
Although simple in nature, it truly defined what a community should be about – give and take. I got lots from the community – social skills, being able to communicate with people of all ages from various backgrounds; a safe place to be; opportunities to play and learn; an understanding of how life really worked. Giving back? I was not a troublesome teenager – never used a spray can or dropped litter; joined clubs; helped people when I could; delivered the Christmas post. Tried to be the child my parents would be proud of .
Today the notion of community is not so simple. As well as the physical communities around us there are endless virtual communities that it is possible to embrace. Every human activity can be found in a community of some form or another. The critical issue is choice – where do you want to live your life? Time is finite so understanding what you can contribute as well as the corresponding benefits you will get is an important factor. The balance between physical and virtual interactions is also a consideration.Playing in a positive environment rather than a negative one; supportive versus ( v. ) antagonistic; reinforcing existing notions rather than learning and enlightenment; fun v. industry; happy v. sad ; understanding the financial impacts of choices made….. etc,etc.
The considerations involved are almost as comprehensive as the opportunities available. The only thing for certain is that the communities we join will shape “who we are”. Be aware of the impacts and be deliberate in your choices. If you spend your life in a community where you just observe, rather than participate, then the growth opportunities may be limited. If your engagement is just for fun or to “relax”, then a pertinent point is how much time to you spend there? There is a balance between growth, enjoyment and superficiality.
Picking up a device is exactly the same as walking out of your front door. Be aware of where you are going, what you are going to do, what you are going to give and consequently have a sense of how your life will be enriched.
Everything that could be said about management and leadership has already been written. Many believe that the two roles are unrelated- you can be a great leader with little managerial experience or that you can be a manager without being a leader.Maybe, you have to be both at the same time or perhaps there is an evolutionary transition?
In my career of 35 years with the same company, I had 14 roles. The easiest job I ever had was following a guy who basically had been in the job for too long. His passion and leadership ambition had been blunted by overexposure to the same routine for too long- he had become stale. He was a great manager so I inherited a disciplined staff who operated within well defined parameters with stable processes.
The job was easy in as much as all I had to do was engage the team to discuss and agree our strategic intent and to define the extent of our ambition. They were hungry for success and it came about by everyone pulling in the same direction. There were blips but management procedures were embedded to resolve these effectively. Suffice to say it was one of the most satisfying periods of my career. As an aside – the guy I replaced went on to a new challenge, refreshed, he also was extremely successful.
The most difficult job I experienced was as a “fire fighter” positioned to fix a failing part of the organization. The problem wasn’t the strategy or the sense of ambition – that had been well defined. The fundamental issue was the total inability to execute. Managerial capability was low. Poor performers had been accepted as the norm, resources had not been adequately deployed and as a result there were issues everywhere. Strategic progress could not be made as every day a new and different issue had to be addressed- fixes made were superficial and hence resurfaced with alarming frequency.
The fix was changing personnel and building secure and well understood management processes- it was a long and “bloody“ period. The definition of success was in the monthly performance metrics and the subsequent ability to take on strategic programs.
Sadly, I can recount a number of leadership initiatives that failed through poor execution. The visionary leader may think the job is done once the organization has bought into the proposition. Visionary leaders can often be “world class delegators” or is that “ world class abdicators” – your view normally depends on where you are in the management chain!Management does require getting yourself down into “the weeds” occasionally- the trick is not to stay there too long!
Leadership and management are intrinsically linked – the best leaders are without doubt great managers. The deployment of resources- people, processes and infrastructure is a skill , but one that can be learned. It requires fine balance of detail and ownership but with enough space to allow your team to grow and in an environment where mistakes are learning opportunities not punishable events.
My first management role was looking after 80 process operators working a 24 hour/ 7 day shift rotation. It was also my first opportunity to dabble with the notion of leadership. All it took was the courage to take the first step.
Work. A simple four letter word describing an incredibly complex concept. At its most basic, it is when an organization enters into a contract with an individual to purchase time and skills to help them achieve their objectives. Generally, the higher the skill level, the more effective at deploying time and the greater the contribution to the success of the organization, then the more they will pay for the individuals services. Now the complexity arises as other factors and concepts are layered in. However, it is important to remember this basic concept as this is the place organizations regress to when the going gets tough.
Other characteristics that take work above the purely transactional include the opportunity
to learn new skills , grow and have new experiences
of career progression
for new responsibilities
perhaps to travel the world
Added to this is the human interaction and social context around work.
Having worked for the same company for 35 years, perhaps it is not surprising that 3 of my closest friends started off being work colleagues. Our fun together far transcending any technical or business challenge.
After you have cut through the corporate veneer , there are some basic truths about work –
the prime responsibility for our career is ours. Organizations may offer opportunities but it is our responsibility to seize and maximize benefit
The notion “ our employees are our most important asset“ is a platitude. Working for a company that strives to create a positive and innovative environment, that develops people to achieve their full potential is truly worthwhile. However, as soon as the numbers are not going to be hit, performance tanks or the strategy fouls foul, executives will cull staff to protect both theirs and shareholders positions.
Not every boss you work for is trustworthy and has the organizations best interest at heart. Don’t assume your boss will always have your back.
Despite these truths, there can be a lot of positives to forge your career within a good organization. The question therefore is how do you achieve alignment and subsequently monitor your wellbeing and progress. I am sure there are a lot of ways to do this but I employed the concept of the “emotional contract” throughout the bulk of my working life.
I had a contract with the company, which essentially covered the legal and practical aspects of my employment. My emotional contract with the company was personal to me, not shared with anyone and was the baseline around which I would decide whether to maintain my employment with it. It covered aspects such as
was the core purpose still fulfilling to me ?
was the company partnering with me on my growth and development ?
was I getting constructive and meaningful feedback ( not always easy to listen to but nonetheless helpful)?
was remuneration fair?
did I feel that I could operate in a climate that was safe, ethical and aligned with my values?
did I enjoy going to work?
In the 35 years that I worked with the Company, on two separate occasions, I felt motivated to search for new employment opportunities and on a third occasion it was time to leave irrespective of there being no “what next”. In each case, the issue in question was resolved through dialogue with the Company. I was able to talk purposefully and seriously about my position because it related to my emotional contract and hence there was no element “of bluff” on my part. In each case we ended with a satisfactory outcome and in hindsight I was more than happy to go the course.
The point here is that the relationship between an organization and its staff is 2 way – clearly understanding your position is beneficial and helps you to maneuver your way though corporate realities. It also may give you a competitive edge compared to some of your colleagues who are not so clear in their own position.
Additionally, if you are in a leadership role having your own emotional contract helps in understanding and supporting the hopes and aspirations of your team.
Of late, there has been an awful lot of encouragement for people to live in the moment. There seems to be a theme – this is the best way to achieve an interesting and meaningful life and also the place where personal calm is to be found. I understand the notion that the past is the past and the future has yet to arrive, but personally I get a huge amount of value exploring both.
Of late, living in the moment hasn’t been that wonderful. The “to do” list has been extensive. Getting the oven fixed, 2 months after the warranty expired; coping with a challenging mega dose of poison ivy ( itch,itch!); cleaning the garden up after a hurricane; the angst of getting contractors to turn up and do things “ right first time”; sealing a leaky roof. All this against the background of wars ; electoral campaigns full of bile and protests against the direction and funding of society.
This is life though. Amongst it all there have been kernels of joy – quality family time; creating memories with grandchildren; enjoying the natural wonders of the world – from spectacular scenery to watching insects go about their business amongst plants we have nurtured.
However, much joy has also been savored revisiting happy times past. Remembering our lives with our parents and using those happy experiences as templates to share with future generations. My wife took us on a brilliant walk down memory lane to isolated beaches where her family feasted on picnics that could only be described as simple but splendid. A visit to her old school not only evoked schoolgirl memories, rekindled old friendships but also gave a sense of hope as we witnessed smart young people preparing themselves for the world ahead. There is huge value in all our experiences, of times gone past and these should not be consigned to the dusty vaults of irrelevancy.
Hope and daydreaming! The future. Without the hope that the future holds something better for us personally, for our children and for mankind in general, then it is hard to make the most of today. We all need to invest time contemplating the future. As individuals it is hard to imagine how we can each shape the future of the world – but we can understand it so we can chart our own course through it. Even before we were married, my wife and I engaged in aspirational envisioning- trying to imagine what our lives together could look like. You could call it daydreaming! But we developed common ideals and with a bit of determined, practical application, a fair bit of it came to pass. Not “living in the moment” was incredibly beneficial for us. Perhaps we should do a bit more daydreaming? Planning our lives brings a semblance of order and helps create space and opportunity to enjoy those future moments of peace and calm.
As with all things, living is about getting the appropriate balance of the past, present and future. Last weekend, we as a family lived in the moment watching our grandson play junior football. A tight game at halftime, 2-1, turned into a comfortable victory as he scored 4 goals in the second half. We enjoyed the moment, will glow with that memory and he is already engaging us with his hopes for next season. No doubt there will be times when his team will be on the wrong end of a 6-1 drubbing – but that is life too.
Happy Thanksgiving ( we are not having turkey this year!). AL(2024)
One of my most humbling experiences was doing a guided tour of Cambridge (UK). In the shadow of Trinity College, the guide talked about WL Bragg, who in 1915 was the youngest person to receive the Nobel Prize for physics. As a first year research student, he came up with the equation that facilitated the development of X-Ray Crystalography. This achievement firmly put in place my attempt to add to the knowledge of mankind – researching the enzymes of ammonia assimilation in the plant pathogenic bacteria, Erwinia.
Nontheless, the knowledge I gleaned of the research process during my PhD studies gave me the foundation for a decent career in industry. Additionally, this tool box has also allowed me to maneuver my way through the 21st century, internet fueled plague of fake news, conspiracy theories and bare faced lies. This benefit was certainly not envisaged back in the day when I attempted to penetrate the innermost secrets of carrot rotting bacteria!
The scientific process is basically common sense:
Identify a problem/issue
do an information search around the subject
postulate ideas, develop a theorem, plan experiments
analyse and validate
cross reference with other data sources
reach a conclusion
share it with experts in the field to allow scrutiny- be open to feedback
share it with the world to add to the knowledge of mankind
There have been some notable false claims in history that have been disproven by in depth research and analysis
the earth is flat
the moon is made of green cheese
people suffering from leprosy are being punished for heresy
tobacco use has no impact on human health
it is possible to continuously outperform the financial markets ( Ponzi ..)
In today’s world we are continuously fed information of a dubious nature; the notion of alternative facts and truths have entered our consciousness; baseless big bold opinions, if repeated often enough, are deemed to be facts ; independent sources of verification seem to be becoming less independent and more tribal.
Many controversial claims are often so spurious that they do not impact our lives; some can impact us indirectly; whilst a small number can affect us personally. So how can we work our way through this minefield to allow us to come to the right conclusion for ourselves? An example.
In a post Covid world, the validity of vaccination has been questioned. The history of vaccines extends over 100 years with the minimization or eradication of some significant illnesses – smallpox, polio,TB, whooping cough, rubella to name but a few. Yet many people, including some of our extended family members, are choosing not to vaccinate- when asked why – the answer is unclear but there is an element of a) noise on the internet about bad things happening b) a friend says…….
On the basis that no one else can make the decision for you, or your children, and that the subject of vaccination is not trivial – how to proceed?
discern how important the issue is to you, this gives a sense of how much effort should be applied
take input from multiple sources, for and against – have these sources been consistent in their viewpoint?
how credible are those sources – an expert in the field? Individual/ organization on a mission?
are any of the sources independent, without a vested interest?
is there information to support any assertions made? Get comfortable with data, statistics. Discern between facts and opinions.
does any assertion made seem plausible, pass the sniff test?
if in discussion with an individual ask questions ( how did you arrive at that viewpoint ; what do the statistics conclude) to ascertain how much thought has been put into the subject.
continue to ask questions until you are satisfied you understand both sides of the debate
take the broad inputs and come up with your sense of the probable, possible, improbable – and make your decision
The point here is for important decisions to be yours, not some third party who may not have your best interests at heart. Take ownership of them. The above outline is just a simple version of the scientific research process that has been developed over centuries – it is also the foundation of good decision making.
This type of analyses is done regularly, not because it is particularly fascinating nor is there a desire to change others points of view. It is because the world we live in is ever increasingly complex, and when we think about important topics, we do not want our minds clouded by mumbo jumbo ; this needs to be quickly filtered out so a comfortable position on any topic can be formulated, thus helping us to live our lives in the way we wish.
My wife and I count ourselves as fortunate to have more than a handful of lifelong friends – people whose company we have enjoyed for 30+ years. However, friendships can take many guises, cover many timescales and have many levels of intensity. They are difficult to define, there being grey areas between acquaintances and friends.They can also be asymmetrical, meaning more to one contributor than the other and range from one to one to group share. In the modern world, friendships are clearly facilitated by instant communication – as can the dissolution of friendships. It also has been well documented that the approach to friendships is gender differentiated – females generally being better at it. We all have various degrees of self dependency, being comfortable in our own skin, but there is a lot to be said for friendship.
No matter the likelihood of a friendship being long lasting, friendships should be cherished in the moment. The close interaction between two or more people is very enriching. If eventually those friendships fade, then there is still the likelihood of lasting benefit. Occasionally, friendships can implode – although at the time, hurt maybe the dominant emotion, eventually such occurrences yield some degree of learning.
One major catalyst of friendship perturbation is the “fork in the road”. There will always be those moments when our life circumstances change- recognizing these as a fork in the road allows us to be vigilant of the impact of these changes on others – and if appropriate take action to try and preserve friendship.
At the age of 9, my parents moved a few miles from one village to another- to take up the offer of a better house. Very soon, I met Michael, a few months older than me, he lived a couple of streets away. We became best friends. We both enjoyed sport , developed similar tastes in music, fumbled our way through puberty and everything that came with that. We just enjoyed each others company.
The first fork in the road came when he was 17 and decided that he had had enough of formal education and was successful in getting a trainee position in the civil service. Overnight he had a wage, money in his pocket, wore adult clothes, a new circle of relationships and limited time off work. I had pocket money, a school uniform, school holidays suddenly became a bit lonelier. Big differences – and a subtle divergence in our approach to life. He developed the notion of being cool, swapped our old haunts for the pub and girls became a reality. We were no longer inseparable.
The second fork came when I went off to university and the degrees of separation increased. Before I graduated, he was married and before I started work he had started a family. My first job separated us by 150 miles and although he and his family did visit us once in our new location – I guessed we both knew that the direction of our lives was going to be very different. The last time I was in contact with Michael was over 45 years ago.
I rarely think of Michael – I hope he has had a satisfying and fulfilling life. Although we are not relevant to each other today, our friendship was one of the most important parts of my life. We helped each other through the transition from child to adult. In todays world, with the power of instant communication we may still have been friends – who knows?
Over the years, my wife and I have had many forks in the road. Some have resulted in the attrition of friendships, whilst others have strengthened. These life events have been managed to the best of our ability, trying to keep important people involved in our lives, and us in theirs. In the last year we have been to weddings of the children of friends of 20+ and 40+ years standing ; celebrated with a golden wedding couple whom we have been friends for 47 years and shared 70th birthdays with a friend I met at University, 52 years ago. Equally well, there is a list of many where we could say “ wonder what such and such are doing now”.
As friends we all have our moment, all have our place, all have our meaning. Just because our time together may be short lived doesn’t mean that it is not important. Each of us will define what we believe are the important characteristics that bond us together. There is a lot of satisfaction in sharing an experience with someone, creating a happy memory. There is terrific utility in being able to talk through a problem with someone who knows and understands us really well. Both are examples of friendship.
Friendship and social interactions have been highlighted as important to our wellbeing. Just thinking of my own experiences, these take many forms – there is no standard formula and the approach can evolve over time. Many of my most notable and positive memories would not have occurred without the help of friends.
Although much of the thinking on TheCornerEnd is around the subjects of work, self, FFC and the world, there are some topics which are ubiquitous and cut across them all. Perhaps the most prominent is money, a subject that can be as simple or as complex as you wish and evokes a vast array of opinions.
For most of us, money is a commodity in limited supply and as such forces us to make choices. Some of our aspirations never materialize due to its shortage. Quite often the approach to money is shaped by our upbringing and early life experiences. My parents circumstances definitely shaped my approach.
My parents grew up and married when money was scarce. Little was passed on from generation to generation and credit was not freely available. My father was simplistic – he would only spend money that was in his pocket. The notion of debt was anathema. He also knew the only way to accumulate money was through work. He lived his life – which was rich and satisfying – within his means. He was interested in horse racing, studied the form, made his selections and checked the results in the paper the next day – he never placed a bet in his life. It was a painless hobby.
Our mother was the budget master – managing the money so that my sister and I would enjoy one holiday a year – some of our happiest memories. There was a roof over our heads and food on the table. My father supplemented our fare with fruit, vegetables and eggs from the allotment. They only ever had one bank account – joint.
My father in law brought another perspective to our thinking – the notion of value. Like my father he was a very hard worker but he also put as much effort into spending money it as he did acquiring it. The first hurdle to be passed was that of purpose and utility. If something was still working, fulfilling its purpose, why would you replace it? Visiting my wife’s family home, some 47 years after my first visit, the dinner vegetables were cooked in the very same pan – it was still fit for purpose. The greater the value of the purchase the more research went into the product – the appropriate specification, its sourcing and subsequent negotiation. Only when value had been established was the transaction completed. Again, a very happy and satisfying life achieved through living within their means.
Both our sets of parents knew what was important to them and what areas of their lives, with a bit of money spent, would yield great pleasure.
Against this background it was not surprising that my wife to be and I had a similar approach to money and life. Before tying the knot, we talked about our life’s strategy and agreed on how we would manage money.
we were both impressed at the team work of our parents so we agreed to own assets jointly – no his or hers, we were in this together and going to succeed together.
we would aim to be debt free when we retired and make provision for a pension that would allow us to be comfortable retirees. We were living and spending for today but with an eye very much on the future.
active dialogue about money so we could jointly agree priorities. Starting with nothing meant we could not live without debt but it was managed actively within agreed limits – no new debt for non- essential items if our debt situation was not under control. We made better decisions working together.
we learned how to enjoy ourselves for very little money. We played team sports, enjoyed walking and cycling, learned how to make delicious picnics ( our parents were masters of this), found friends who were like us and happy to share a bottle of wine in each others gardens ; holidays were enjoyable without being exotic ……and we enjoyed each others company.
at some time in our early years together we worked out how to save some money for a rainy day.
when children came along, introduced them to the art of having fun in a simple way – digging for worms, looking for caterpillars, the joy of crayons and paper, the imagination of the ‘dress up box , a bat and ball, a kite …..
We made mistakes but learned from them.As our earning power grew so did our aspirations. Over time there was an evolution from necessities to ‘ nice to have ‘ to luxuries, but always with an eye on value. The balance between earning, spending and saving was never lost.
So to the current world, what has changed ? What would it be like if we were starting out today?
The world has become more expensive, the cost of living escalating faster than wage growth. Housing costs have sky rocketed and fiscal rules changed so that just saving for a deposit on property is a real challenge. The cost of renting has risen dramatically.Corporations have become more aggressive and cunning at fragmentation, upselling, and profit escalation, contributing to inflationary pressures. “The internet” has brought us the mirage of what a cool life is supposed to look like and that if we accept anything less then we are failing – success is not defined by ourselves but by a bunch of abstract, unattributable notions that flourish in the ether. There is a real cost to trying to bridge the gap between reality and this fantasy lifestyle.
No matter how you look at it, life today is much more challenging than in our era. However, on the other side of the balance sheet things have not changed too much. Unless you are fortunate enough to get help from the family, all the tools at your disposal are pretty much the same as they were 50 years ago. Skill acquisition, hard work and career progression to generate income – balanced by a sensible spending strategy all within the framework of building a satisfying life. The acquisition of uncontrolled debt, gambling and speculation, get rich quick schemes all come with increased risk with concomitant anxiety and stress.
Some age old cliches to finish with – or perhaps they are truisms? Life is a marathon – it is positive to have ambition, hopes and aspirations – it is even better if these exist within a time bounded plan to achieve them. Life is a journey (not a destination) so it is important to enjoy it along the way, but the path you take is yours alone. The world does not owe you a living – be industrious and try to be happy in your work ( that one is a courtesy from my father in law). “Can’t buy me Love” – money is essential but not everything it buys brings satisfaction and happiness.
Your life, your choices, your responsibility. C’est la vie.
In the world of health and safety there is an accident prevention concept known as the Bird triangle. This postulates that there is a linkage between unusual incidents, near misses, and minor accidents and the occurrence of serious accidents and major incidents. The notion is that the more minor issues that are present then the greater the likelihood that there will be a significant issue. From this concept the best performing organizations have built a safety culture based upon reducing the frequency or preventing minor issues. Management procedures for good housekeeping and safety inspections, investigation of unusual incidents and near misses, inclusive investigations of minor accidents and the implementation and communication of remedial actions, all contribute to keeping people safe at work.
I also think that this concept is applicable to personal wellbeing- in that there could be a cumulative effect of dealing with lots of minor stressors which eventually reach a tipping point and may become overwhelming. Thus to help maintain a balance in our lives it may be beneficial in routinely dealing with these stressors in a timely manner. Prevention being the much better option than cure – and hence a way of increasing our personal resilience.
To give a a real and very personal example of this.
I was 27 years of age when I first set foot on an aeroplane- going abroad for a vacation to Corfu. On the return flight, over the Alps, the plane suffered terrible turbulence and dropped like a stone – many thousands of feet. Passengers were shaken, covered in food and drink – some with minor burns from hot drinks. On landing the plane was met by ambulances to help the 3 cabin crew members who had sustained significant injuries. All in all, a very unpleasant experience which left a significant impact on my wife and myself.
Three years later I was appointed to a role that involved global travel – a terrific career opportunity – but my travel induced anxiety levels increased exponentially. At one point things were so bad, I wondered whether I could live this life and fulfill the role. Emotion was overwhelming rational thought. I badly needed coping mechanisms. Over a short period of time I gave this a lot of thought, talked to colleagues who were seasoned travelers, and tried to come up with ideas to make the flying process more tolerable.
I knew that I could do nothing about the risk of turbulence- Mother Nature and physics beyond my control but I did recognize that there were other stressors around the travel experience. I came up with the following process which, with a few tweaks, has served me well over the last 40 years.
Fly with a reputable airline – anxiety reduction trumps low cost.
case packed and business papers ready 24 hours in advance.
contact details at hand- itinerary given to family.
get to the airport early- an hour before is better than a minute late.
no matter how busy the airport I have a standard check in process, refusing to be pressured by busy airline staff.I leave the desk only when passport, boarding pass and luggage tags are in their designated place.
get to the gate on time – avoid being seduced by the lure of shops.
seat selection always an aisle – wear seatbelt even if flat calm.
be conscious of well-being by avoiding fatigue and keeping hydrated.
have access to my two main stress relief tools – music and reading.
Using this process, combined with continued reassurance that flying is still the safest form of travel, meant that anxiety around travel is minimized. I still do not enjoy flying but I have managed to cope with it over my lifetime, covering millions of miles.
When we look at our lives there are lots of stressors we have to deal with – by identifying them and dealing with them proactively we take better control and this in turn makes our lives so much better.
To achieve a degree of balance in our lives we need to do two things – reduce or remove stressors, but just as importantly incorporate resilience forces (RF) into our routine. Most of us use RF daily, these are activities that take our mind and body away from the rigors of daily living. Basically – doing stuff we enjoy!
So what changes an enjoyable activity into a RF? The answer is timing, perspective and the circumstances we find ourselves in. When we are under pressure the tendency is to devote more time to the problem and forego ‘the fun things’. This is probably the wrong thing to do.
The brain is an incredible organ – it operates in ways beyond my comprehension but I know it needs looking after. Apart from the physiological need for food and oxygen, I feel my brain needs three things – stimulation, relaxation and rest. It gets rest when I sleep (hence the importance of sleep); stimulation (good and bad) when I work, do interesting things, worry, get anxious. The relaxation piece happens when my brain goes to that neutral place where it can “offload”. Over the years I have recognized that both reading and music are both beneficial in helping me unwind. I find just short periods of time doing these incredibly relaxing. This is why lots of people recommend interspersing downtime breaks during periods of intense pressure. The pressure is on, deadlines have to be met, taking a reading break seems counterintuitive- but it is not just reading, it is relaxing your brain ready to rejoin the tussle.
If you are not a reader or music fan it doesn’t matter – just find what works for you.
The ability of individuals to cope is highly variable. A good friend of mine puts this down to the degree of proactivity that individuals demonstrate. Proactive people appear to cope better than reactive people. When you think about it, this notion is pretty logical. Proactives scan the world around them, sensing both opportunities and threats, they are planners and early adopters of appropriate actions.Proactivity is prevention to stop issues escalating and threatening to overwhelm.
Without understanding the physiological mechanism, I feel there is a link between the brain and body. I have always found physical exercise a positive in managing my balance – walking,hiking, jogging,swimming, gardening,gym work,pilates and team sports have played an important part at various stages of my life. Achieving 10k steps is not a chore! At some of the most stressful periods of our lives, a half hour walk with my wife- talking about all kinds of stuff- was incredibly therapeutic. Again,this has been recognized for a long time, the magic is to have the resolve and discipline to get out and do it. Walking is free -costs nothing, it is dynamic – who knows what you will encounter , even in a city there is the opportunity to commune with nature – look and you will see.
Thinking of a lifetime in business and industry I have encountered a vast number of highly productive and incredibly resilient people. They tend to have one thing in common. Outside of their work responsibilities they have a passion. Some are collectors (munros, whiskey miniatures, wine, books,stamps, coins, old bottles, antiques, maps, pencils,beer mats to name but a few), some love outdoor pursuits ( orienteering,fishing, golf,cycling),photography, painting, restoring old cars, woodworking, preserving home grown produce………… It is like they have two complementary lives that are synergistic, each helping the other out. The passion acting as ballast countering the volatility, challenges and stresses of life.
Resilience is not some innate gift that some people have, it can be learned and developed. Resilience is a choice.
TheCornerEnd 