The lovely Pam ( my personal assistant…. and good friend) made one of the most significant observations that anyone has made about me. It changed my life!

Almost as a throw away comment she said ( almost word for word) “ when something really bad and serious happens you stay really calm and just get on and work out a fix…. but when something trivial happens you get really mad”.

Now Pam is both an observer of life and a thinker so when she says things I take note. I know I am not perfect so am open to receiving unsolicited feedback. I thought about this for a while and came up with two conclusions. Firstly, she was right!….. on reflection I recognized it in all aspects of my life. Secondly, I was not happy about this ….. it was not a personal trait I was proud of.The final confirmation was when the family indicated that I was “quick to the rise”!

The trait itself is negative as it disrupts harmony and presents an image of unpredictability. I don’t need people around me “ walking on eggshells”.

Knowing about it is one thing, taking action is another – what to do? Fortunately, around the time of Pam’s observation I was working with an outside consultant on some project work, someone who had quite a deep vein of human empathy. A quick discussion lead to a suggestion. It resonated with me and surprisingly it worked. Serendipity!

There is a moment in time, a split second, when you can feel a physiological change in your body. The emotional trigger that leads to escalation. At that point start saying, to yourself, something both personal and meaningful. This simple action acts as a neutralizer, the alkali to the acid, and the escalation is moderated or even mitigated. My choice was the opening lines of one of my favorite songs- a folky ballad.

“They used to say, soon comes the day, we’d all be making songs”

Meet on the Ledge by Fairport Convention.

It took a bit of practice but eventually a more mellow me emerged. Over time, I recognized the trigger and dealt with it, not necessarily using the lyrics.

A chance observation, situation recognition, the desire to change and the lucky encounter with someone who could help. I prefer the new me and still love the song!