I was very close to both my parents, I guess in part, due to the normal parent/child dynamic. The ties were probably stronger because we bonded over certain activities.
Andy, a hard working miner, worked irregular hours, rotating hours of early, back and night shifts. His hobby was racing pigeons – which he was successful in, both in the sport and its administration. As a toddler, before I started going to school, he would put me in a wheelbarrow and push me to his pigeon loft, set in an allotment garden.
The three activities I remember doing were running through the loft trying to stroke the pigeons; hammering nails into his work bench in “the cabin” and of course beginning my apprenticeship as a gardener. Getting dirty was fun!
As I grew older I got more involved with the birds, mucking out, feeding and watering , basketing them for race day, and of course eventually being allowed to be at the loft on a race day. Some of my more interesting moments with my dad were being at the loft, chatting about stuff, on a Saturday night,waiting for the birds to race back from France. It is fair to say that we bonded over pigeons.
An added benefit was that the HQ of the pigeon club was set in the local working men’s club. My dad taught me about alcohol – he was not a big drinker – so I learned about responsibility – something, to this day, I am still grateful for.
I bonded with my mum over 2 things. Despite my dad being a professional footballer ( soccer), it was my mum who coached and encouraged me at football. At junior school, she came to watch every home game and attended away matches if they were local. She was the only parent there! At senior school, it was not “cool“ to have your parents watch, but she always debriefed me after every game.
When my sister Anne, went off to University ( the first in our family to do so), I was in those difficult early teenage years but my mum and I found another bonding experience. Every Saturday night we would go to the local cinema, the Tivoli, about 300 yards from our house. A stop at Ridleys, the corner shop, to buy a quarter of sweets- my favorites were chocolate limes and Merrymaid caramels- then a seat upstairs ( the posh seats!) to watch the film. The only one I can really remember was Mutiny on the Bounty – educational as my mum then made me find out where Pitcairn Island was, using our well- thumbed global atlas!
I am certain that the early years bonding made our whole lives richer. Bonding with CPs parents, Allen and Jean was greatly enriching. Then came children, bonding over key ring collecting, soccer, field hockey , music, transformers, caravanning, tennis, our dog Meg bonding with us all.
Now grandchildren – fun and joy with less responsibility!
Bonding with those we love is a full lifecycle activity, that requires thought, time and effort but perhaps, just perhaps, is the most rewarding thing we can do.
